Of Grey Eyes And Midgets
by nugget-basket
Summary: As a new cadet, you try your best to impress your kind of crush, the great Corporal Levi. Will it work, or will things go haywire? Reader x Levi/Rivaille I have two chapters of 6,000 words each as I was persuaded to do more :3. Lemme know if you want a continuation! Enjoy! Btw for some reason I started referring to f/n as finny. I'm weird. sorry
1. Chapter 1

/I realized there was a sore lack of these kinda fics, so here's a simple one for you, reader-chan! Enjoy Levi :D Characters belong to SnK! Except for you, you cutie, you're the Corporal's./

"That's him…"

"Look at him, he's gorgeous isn't he!"

"I never realized how handsome he was…"

"What's his kill count?"

"_At least _50!"

"Nonsense, it should be way more than that."

"Shh! He's passing this way!"

You rolled your eyes, watching the new recruits to the Survey Corps titter amongst themselves about Corporal Levi. His grey eyes look directly ahead, ebony hair swishing slightly as he walked. You'd recognize that confident, stoic demeanor anywhere. He only spared a glance for your table, but paused when his gaze landed on you. You gave him a cheeky smile and a wink, just because.

He raised an eyebrow, but other than that his expression remained unchanged. You watched as he sat at the table in the back with Commander Erwin, Petra, Gunther and Auruo.

Jean turned to you, mouth agape. "(f/n), you know him?"

You shook your head. "Nope. Not personally."

"Then what was that?" Jean asked.

Sasha slid onto the bench next to you, plate heavily laden with food.

"What was what?" She asked, shoveling food into her mouth.

"Nothing. Sasha, seriously, how do you eat so much and still remain so thin?" You asked her incredulously.

Eren chuckled. "One of life's great mysteries."

"Hello recruits!" Hanji thrust her face rather suddenly into your midst.

"Hanji!" You all chorused, surprised at her abrupt appearance.

"Who is willing to help me with Sawney and Bean tomorrow! I am understaffed and I need assistance from enthusiastic young soldiers!" Hanji's spectacles glinted and a maniacal smile spread across her face.

You looked around at the others who all looked at you and Eren. It was a well known fact that among all the recruits, you two were the dumbest risk takers, (well, other than Mikasa, but Mikasa wasn't dumb at all and couldn't care less about Titan research). Besides, you'd always held an interest in how they worked even after the battle at Trost. They didn't make much sense to you, and you had a kind of morbid interest in them. However, your interest was nowhere near as morbid as Hanji's. "I'll do it." You shrugged. "It'll be interesting." The rest of the recruits sighed happily.

"Me too." Eren bit his lip. "I want to find out more about them."

Jean snorted. "I thought all you wanted was to kill them."

"Don't be a petty little bitch, Jean." You said, before the either of them could get into another one of their little fights. It was getting real old, real fast. The rest of dinner passed in amicable conversation. At one point, your gaze lifted to the back of the room, where Levi was sitting. Even the man's back was sexy. Short, but lean and muscled, the guy was scrumptious, one had to admit. Not that you were attracted to him. Just…you know, in an objective sense. You sighed, picking up your plate to clear out. You just needed good rest. It had been a long day after all.

"Cadet _ _." Petra looked up from her list with a small smile. "You're on dish duty. Cadet Ackerman and Jeager are on clean up duty."

Mikasa and Eren rose silently in tandem and you picked up their plates and headed to the kitchen where the two large industrial sinks were located. You plugged in the drain of one sink and after adding dish soap, filled it up until the bubbles reached the brim. Pulling on yellow gloves, you started to wash dishes and stack them in the dry sink as other soldiers filed in, placing their dishes in piles next to you. You sighed. You absolutely despised dish duty. Normally, you'd be with Armin, soaping up dishes while he washed and set them to dry, joking and laughing all the while. Now, the work would take twice as long and would not be any fun at all. Oh well, you should at least make the most of it. The kitchen was now empty, and quiet. Feeling disconcerted with the lack of noise, you began to whistle while soaping, an old lullaby from your childhood.

Movement on your right had you jumping back, with a yelp. You wheezed in relief when you realized it was just Levi. "Heichou, you scared me."

Corporal Rivaille just stared you down. "Tch. Don't be a scared little idiot. Are you the only one on dish duty, Cadet?"

"Yes sir. Cadet Artlert has a cold. I would salute but…" You raised your slick, gloved hands and grinned.

He ignored you, and turned to the dishes. "Very well, I shall help you then."

You could feel his cold eyes watching your every move, and the hairs on the back of your neck prickled as you worked next to the man. He was barely taller than you, and you were painfully aware of every movement of his. Not that you had a crush. No. Please, you barely knew the guy! If anything it was the way he carried himself, the very enigma that was Corporal Levi that drew you to him. You cleared your throat as you scrubbed viciously at a plate, trying vainly to chase away the thoughts that clouded your head.

"Are you alright, Cadet?"

"Yes!" You answered quickly, feeling heat spread over your cheeks. He gave you an intensely quizzical stare, but you kept your eyes on the task at hand, only faltering when he moved even closer to turn the tap off as he rinsed the last of the dishes. You both finished up, and you pulled off the gloves, discarding them. Levi watched you, lazily letting his gaze travel over you.

"How are you doing so far, Cadet _?" Levi asked, his voice surprisingly warm.

"Well, I've only just started." You straightened up and turned to him, leveling with him. "But I think I might just do well here, Corp."

He raised an eyebrow. "Good. I assume I will be seeing you at your best at 3DMG training tomorrow then."

You saluted, your fist pounding into your ribcage where your heart was. "Yes sir!" You could've sworn you saw the corners of his lips turn up into a tiny smile for a nanosecond before he walked away. You slumped against the kitchen counter. That little bastard was going to be the death of you.

You whirled around on your gear, clenching your fists for gas, gaining the sudden burst of speed needed to swipe a chunk off the 'Titan's' neck. Practice was going well for you; as far as you could tell, you were second only to Mikasa. Your cuts were perfect, and you were beginning to get the hang of moving using the 3DMG. Soaring through the air, you landed on a tree and surveyed your surroundings. Suddenly a fake Titan popped up and you took off leaping from tree to tree. Reaching the titan, you jammed your knives into it, and then sprung off from the shoulder, pulling your knives out. You watched, satisfied, as a chunk fell to the ground with a thud.

"Well done, Ackerman." Levi nodded at Mikasa, who took the praise with barely a flicker of her eyelids.

You landed next to her, stowing your blades in your gear and looked at Levi hopefully. He spared only a glance for you. "Your stance needs to improve, _."

You sighed as he walked away. His approval was ridiculously hard to get as far as you could tell. And you really wanted his approval. You watched as he spoke to Petra. Glaring down at the ground, you kicked a random stone and huffed in irritation. Of all the people you wanted to impress he was proving to be even harder than you thought.

"Hey Finny!" Armin panted as he ran up to you, sniffling.

"Armin, your nose is red! The hell're you doing out of bed?" You placed hands on your hips, cocking your head to the side.

He gazed up at you sheepishly. "I didn't want to miss anything important."

"You need to rest Armin." You told him.

"Artlert!"

Armin saluted smartly, then sneezed. Poor guy, you had to hold in your laughter; the sight was comical. "Corporal!"

"Tch. Go and get your rest Artlert." Levi ordered. "Don't contaminate the air. L/n, get him some herbal soup from Hanji."

"Will do Heichou." You answered, with a quick salute, placing your hand on Armin's back to guide him back to his room.

You got Armin a herbal soup from Hanji, and carefully propped him up on two fluffy pillows before handing him the bowl and spoon.

"Thanks, f/n." Armin told you gratefully, inhaling the aroma of the hot soup.

"No problem, Armin." You grinned. "Lemme know if there's anything else you need, yeah?"

"Alright. Oh, f/n?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there something up with you and the Corporal?"

You frowned. "No…why would you say something like that?"

Armin smiled. "Eren, Mikasa, Jean and I were talking, and the Corporal talks to you a lot more than he does the rest of us Cadets. He seems sweet on you."

You snickered. "Sorry dude, but that's the biggest pile of cock I've ever heard. There's nothing up with me and Levi, and I doubt there ever will be. Get some sleep kid, you need it."

You left Armin in bed with his soup and proceeded to help Hanji out before lunch. That way you'd be able to get some medicine from town later for Armin. You didn't think much about what your friends had said. Sure, you talked to the Corporal, but that was only because you weren't as scared of him as everyone else. He may have been a Titan Killing Machine, but that didn't mean he wasn't at least a _little_ human. The thing was, the other Cadets didn't quite get that. You had to admit though, it wasn't easy. He wasn't exactly the most approachable guy.

You wish he'd give you more credit though. He always praised Mikasa and Eren. He praised Armin for superb strategies. He praised Jean for his reflexes. But he never once told you were good at something. If not for Mikasa and Eren telling you how great you were doing, and even Commander Erwin once commented that you had potential to be in the elite forces. But from Levi? Nada. Zero. Zilch.

You'd understood from the beginning that you were going to have to work even harder to gain his appreciation, but it was getting ridiculous. Not to mention he was crazy tough on you when you did something wrong. You were getting kind of tired, and the fatigue was showing in the bags beneath your eyes.

You dragged yourself toward the courtyard where Sawney and Bean were, nowhere near mentally prepared for Hanji's insane experiments, but at least Eren'd be there. Heaving a deep sigh, you slouched along the corridor, wondering idly if you'd be able to steal some extra sweet buns from the kitchen and if Sasha would maybe help you.

"L/n, are you alright?" Levi's voice cut into your thoughts. You noted with some shock that there was genuine concern in those stony eyes of his.

"Oh yes, yes I am, Levi." You gave him a weak smile. "I'm fine." _Shit! _You accidentally called him Levi.

"Have you been getting sleep, f/n?" His voice was soft, tender almost. The fuck? Did he not notice? Or just not care at the disrespect?

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm not really sure these days." You mumbled. This conversation was tiring. You just wanted to sleep, but then when you slept, the Titans came back in your nightmares. Images of a blonde brown eyed Titan chewing on a poor villager flooded your mind, and you winced. Leaning against the wall, you looked up at Levi.

"Where are you going?"

"Courtyard." You waved a hand in its general direction. "Squad Leader Hanji's experiments."

"L/n, like that, you'll get your head bitten off." Levi told you briskly, moving closer. You let him slip an arm around your waist, and you sagged against him, uncaring and numb.

"I need to…help Hanji…"

You woke up in a soft bed, pristine white sheets cocooning you. "Ungh…" You rubbed your head, waiting for your vision to clear. Right now, you were seeing two of everything. Shaking your head, you blinked a couple times, then sat up, looking around. It seemed like you were in a generic room, but you were entirely sure it wasn't yours. For instance the bed was on the wrong side, and there was a chest of drawers that didn't exist in your room.

"Good, you're awake." You heard him before he came into view, stormy eyes peering down at you worriedly.

"L-Levi Heichou?" you asked, confused. "What am I doing here? Where is here anyway?"

"You're in my room. It was closest to where you passed out." He informed you.

"I passed out?" Your eyes grew wide.

"Yes, idiot. Thank god I was there to catch you or you would've had a concussion as well." Levi's eyebrows knitted together disapprovingly. "Tch."

You let your head fall back into the pillows with a groan. "Fuck my life. Eren's gonna die without me."

Levi rolled his eyes. "I'm sure Eren can take care of himself with Hanji, l/n. You on the other hand…I had Hanji look at you. She says it's just _fatigue_. You want to tell me what's wrong, Cadet?"

"I can't sleep at night, much." You shrugged.

"Did you skip breakfast?"

"I wanted to practice on my maneuvering gear." You said, defensively.

Levi drew closer, his irritation with you clear on his face. "Tell me Cadet, why the hell did you skip breakfast just for that? You've put yourself in this situation, shithead."

"I wanted to impress you, sir!" You blurted, your cheeks heating up.

His eyes widened. He obviously hadn't been expecting this at all. Then his features morphed back into their usual composed mask. Displeasure at him building his walls up again pulled the corners of your mouth down. "That's no reason to skip meals Cadet. This better not happen again."

"Permission to leave, sir." You hissed. You weren't entirely sure why you were so mad. You guessed you were just annoyed. You'd been putting so much effort and work in, and this is what you had to show for it. Not only had you not impressed the one person you admired, you also managed to fuck up the beginnings of his respect for you. Damn it all!

"Permission not granted l/n." you raised your eyebrows in question, but Levi simply sat on the bed next to you, feeling your forehead. "You still feel warm, and I don't want you collapsing somewhere else. You stay here and rest."

At this point you were too exhausted to argue. "Whatever Levi." You rolled over and faced the wall. Shit. You just lipped off to him. You were going to get grilled by him weren't you. Stupid stupid stupid. Ah fuck it, you'll just prepare yourself for the worst then…you hunched down, squeezing your eyes shut.

"You think I don't see what you've been doing?" Levi began, quietly.

You turned back to him, confused. "…Sir?"

"C'mon, l/n. I see the work you put in everyday."

"Well, you sure don't act like it." You rebuffed, glaring at him.

Levi did something completely unexpected and so un-Levi, for a second you were terrified. He smiled.

"Idiot." He said fondly. "I thought you realized it. That's why I keep asking you to do things for me. Because I know you would never half-ass it."

"Oh." You said, dumbly. You never thought to look at it like that.

"I have a lot of respect for you, Cadet. You work harder than any trainee I've seen thus far. Just don't take it too far." He stood. "You can always come and find me if you're bothered by these nightmares."

"Thank you, Corporal." You said, dumbstruck. You watched him walk out, then let your head drop back into the pillows. Despite your confusion, it didn't take long for you to conk out completely.

"F/n." You were jolted awake by Eren. It was dark outside, and your stomach rumbled loudly.

"Eren? What're you doing here man?" You scrambled to get up, fully awake and alert.

"Levi heichou told me to help you to your room when I was done with Hanji." He peered down at you. "Are you okay? I brought you food."

"Eren, you're a saint." You threw your arm around him as he helped you up. "I think I missed lunch."

"You missed dinner too, so you should eat first."

"I'll eat in my room." You picked up the tray on which buns and some sweet corn lay. "I don't want to leave any crumbs in here; Levi'd skin my ass and use it as a bed cover." You snorted at the mental picture.

You devoured everything in a matter of minutes as soon as you got into your room, and left the empty tray on your desk, leaning back in your chair contentedly. Yawning, you changed into a comfortable pair of pants, and a long white t-shirt before crawling into your bed. The night was warm, and your sheets were cool. You sighed as you sank into the white pillows. You did so like settling into bed late at night…

_Help me, please! She screamed, as large hands curled around her impossibly frail body. Her dress was splattered with dirt and blood and I could only watch in open mouthed horror as the Titan broke her spine. Her cries were cut off, just like a blown out flame. Bile rose in your throat as the Titan opened his massive maw and gulped her limp body down whole._

_Jess! Jess, no please, no…you sank to your knees, cowering in the shadows. The Titan walked on, its footsteps causing the ground to quake, tremors running through your body with each step it took. You quivered, a mess of nerves, sobbing into your hands, eyes wide and unseeing._

You jerked up, your body shaking. Breathing wildly, you scanned the room, comforted to find yourself alone.

"Motherfucking bitchnuggets." You grumbled at the interruption of your precious sleep.

You threw your pillow across the room in sudden anger, tossing the covers off yourself. Pulling on your boots, you stomped outside, stopping only to inhale the pleasant night air. Continuing on, you walked past the courtyard and into the woods in which you normally practiced on your 3DMG. You trekked on the familiar dirt path until you came to the lake located near the back of the woods. No one ever came here, not that you knew of anyway, and it was the only way you could ever be alone. Rubbing your eyes, you dropped your head into your hands. You didn't cry easily, and the grief stayed in your heart, a pain so real it was almost physical.

"F/n?"

You froze. "Eren?" Getting up, you dusted off your butt and looked at Eren, who was dressed pretty much the same as you, the same deer-caught-in-the-light look on his face.

"What are you doing here?" You both asked simultaneously.

"Couldn't sleep." You both answered, again in unison. The two of you giggled softly, before turning to the unbroken glassy surface of the lake and settling down into the dirt.

"Is this a regular thing for you?" You asked.

"Nope." Eren shook his head. "I don't have nightmares much, but I heard that a friend of mine, Hannes died…and well I dreamt about it."

"It's an everyday thing for me." You rested your cheek in your hand, and glanced at the dark haired boy seated next to you. "I don't get much sleep…which is why I passed out today. Fucking nightmares every fucking minute. A person can get tired you know?"

"Yeah." Eren muttered. "I can't wait till they're all dead."

"Sometimes, I find myself thinking that day won't come, Jaeger."

"It has to. I'll make it." He said, that familiar determined look gracing his features.

"That's m'boy. You go get 'em buddy."

You both talked for a while longer, before lapsing into a comfortable silence. You were the first to break it.

"Hey Eren…?"

"Yeah?" He looked towards you, his face a picture of serenity and kindness. In that moment, the gratitude you had for him being alive and well and such a good friend to you hit you like a fucking brick.

"You're my best friend." You told him, the words sincere and straight from your heart. "I love you man. If we don't make it, I just want you that you're the best brother I could've asked for, even though we're not exactly related, you're still family to me." At the end of your earnest speech, both your eyes were wet. He threw his arms around you and squeezed hard, and you returned the bear hug.

"I love you too, sis." He whispered in your ear, and a tear rolled down your cheek. Even if you didn't make it at the end of the day, at least he knew.

"You know, you should tell Corporal how you feel." He winked.

"Huh?"

"C'mon everyone knows about it!" Eren nudged you.

You covered your face with your hands. "Everyone except Corporal himself."

You trooped back to your room at the crack of dawn to get dressed and ready for morning training. You felt better than you had in a long time, but the lack of sleep was taking its usual toll on you. To counter it, instead of grabbing food, you sat in the mess hall, your fingers clasped around a large mug of strong coffee.

"Cadet!" You looked up into the scowling face of a certain Lance Corporal.

"Corporal?" Your tone was every bit as puzzled as your face, but he ignored you and pointed at your cup.

"Go get yourself a damn meal l/n, and for god's sakes don't pass out again." He replied, eyes narrowed.

You gulped. "Noted, sir."

He turned on his heel without so much as a nod and walked away.

Jean whistled. "Jeez, what'd you do this time?"

"Nothing, I swear!" You yelped.

"You must've done something. He seemed furious!" Sasha spoke over a mouthful of bread.

"I really didn't…he was nice to me yesterday!" You scratched your head. "Ah, fuck it all, I'm going to go get some food."

You ended up queuing next to the very person who seemed to have some vendetta against you today. You watched Levi's raven hair glint in the sunshine that streamed through the mess hall windows as he stonily faced the cooks who piled food in his plate. You gnawed at your lip anxiously, watching him with trepidation.

"Stop staring Cadet, it's annoying." He snapped, rather loudly, alerting the soldiers around you to the situation.

You reddened, more out of rage that he was being such an asshole than embarrassment, though there was plenty of that too. The soldiers behind you sniggered, and you stared at your plate, praying for the line to move faster. Finally, you rushed away from the line after getting your food and sat down at your table, about two seconds from bursting into angry, mortified tears.

"Um, f/n?" Eren spoke up, and you looked up to find all your friends staring at you with concerned looks on their faces. Even Jean looked worried and Sasha had stopped mid-chew.

The dam broke and you related all that had happened over the past week to your friends. "The worst part is that I had that stupid crush on him, and I thought we were getting closer!"

Armin reached over and patted your hand. "Don't worry, f/n." He soothed. "Maybe sooner or later the Corporal will tell you what you did wrong."

"He might give you a bad punishment though." Jean gave you a sympathetic nod, clapping you on the back.

"He'll get less angry, Finny. Just give him a little time." Eren assured you, slipping an arm around your shoulder.

Mikasa nodded. "Short-ass will be fine in a couple of days, Finny. Don't worry yourself over it." She smiled at me, confidently.

Eren moved closer to murmur into your ear. "I hate to tell you this, but Heichou is coming over here."

Levi's grey eyes hardened, a sudden flame erupting in them as he glared down at you and Eren.

"Heichou." You spoke, your annoyance with him making you rather indifferent to his wrath.

"Jaeger, L/n. Clean up duty for a week for breaking curfew last night."

"What?" You opened your mouth before thinking. "There's no curfew for cadets! Only for trainees!"

"There is if I say there is L/n." Levi gritted out. "Now, is there anything else, or do you want 2 weeks instead?"

"No, sir." You mumbled. Indignant, as soon as he walked away, you hissed. "I'm going to get back at that little motherfucker if it's the last thing I do."

Jean gave you the look that said you were one crazy bastard. "It _is_ going to be the last thing you do."

You put your plan into action two days later, once you had come up with a suitable idea. One spare moment, you dashed off into the woods to collect the wild berries that grew there. You only needed a few, so within minutes, with Eren standing guard, you had collected a pocketful. Wrapping them in a handkerchief, you carefully slid them into your jacket pocket. You were careful not to get them crushed.

It was time to put part two into action. You noticed that Levi never left you and Eren alone while you were carrying out our cleaning duties. You waited until you were doing cleaning duty in the main corridor to look up at Levi glowering as he presided over you both like a tiny lord. It was at these moments that it pained you to admit how incredibly cute you thought he looked. Even as an asshole, you still found him incredibly attractive. He just got cuter when he got annoyed.

You still hadn't found out his reason for suddenly imposing a curfew just to get you and Eren into trouble, but you figured that would come in time. It was time to get revenge for it.

"Levi Heichou!" You gave him the sweetest smile.

He stared at you with a small frown on his lips. "What."

"I need to go to the toilet, sir."

He waved you off. "Five minutes, Cadet."

"Thank you sir!" You saluted, and ran. It took you about a minute to get to Levi's room. You knew he always left it unlocked, because no one really dared enter his room anyway. Until you, that is.

You slipped inside without detection and pulled out your handkerchief full of berries. You split them open with the handkerchief and rubbed them along the lining of his clothes and his cravat, careful not to get any on yourself. The juice was colourless, so it would not be noticed on his clothes. You grabbed the remainder of the berries, and threw them out of the window along with the unmarked handkerchief. Checking to make sure the corridor was empty, you left his room and trotted back to where Eren was scrubbing the floor diligently. You got on your knees beside him, chancing the smallest look at Levi. He was watching you with a strange expression on his face, one you could not decode at all. As soon as he noticed you were looking, his expression changed to one of boredom, and you turned back to your work. You and Eren exchanged a glance and you nodded subtly to tell him it was complete. Now all you had to do was wait.

It didn't take as long as you thought it would, to be honest. Your friends and you were at the mess hall, chatting over dinner when you heard whispers around you. You looked around to see what was going on, and gasped when you saw Levi Heichou walk through the mess hall. His eyes were storm clouds, his jaw tense. The look on his face was one of utter enmity, so much so it scared even you. You dreaded to think what he might do to you if he ever found out that it was you who did this to him. Speaking of this…his arms and neck, every exposed part of him was covered in scarlet rashes. You were kind enough not to put the poison ivy berries in his pants, but you'd gone crazy on all his shirts. His hands were curled into fists at his side, obviously trying not scratch himself. You were overcome with the urge to laugh; you couldn't help it, a small snicker made its way out of your mouth.

Your friends looked at you with wide eyes, and you clapped your hands over your mouth, suddenly terrified. Levi's head snapped towards you, and his eyes showed everything. He knew. You were so fucking dead. He changed course, making his way towards you. You resisted the impulse to run, digging your fingers into your arms.

"F/n." Levi looked at you with blank eyes. "My office, now." You frowned. You were expecting wrath, lightning, death, maybe public humiliation at the very least. But there was no emotion of any sort to be found in Levi's expression. You watched him for a moment as he turned to move away. The way he walked seemed curiously…defeated…

You stood up and followed him. You walked all the way to his office without him saying a single word to you. You were getting more and more petrified the nearer we got to his office. He closed the door when we went inside, and he gestured to the chair opposite him as he took a seat behind his desk.

"H-H-Heichou." You stammered. "I-"

"F/n, I apologise." Levi said, quietly. He wasn't even looking at you; his eyes seemed to be trained on a spot above your shoulder.

"What?"

"I shouldn't have made that rule just to get back at you. I was just angry and jealous." He continued, in a monotone.

"Jealous? Of what?" I squeaked.

"Of Eren." He said, simply. "That was immature. I deserve this."

I struggled to get your head clear. Why was he jealous of Eren? I didn't get it at all.

"Why were you jealous of Eren?"

"I'm sorry. It's not my business that you two are together." He ignored you.

Wait, what? "Eren and I are best friends Levi Heichou." I told him, gently, the pieces of the puzzle starting to come together in your head. "We're not together."

He met your eyes, that strange look on his face again. I gaped at him, finally having understood the look: it was longing. And it was directed at you!

I leaned back in your chair and let a roar of mirth escape your mouth. I just sat there laughing away while Levi stared at you, bemused. "Levi." I finally smirked, wiping a tear away. "You're a fucking idiot."

"Excuse me?" He began dangerously, but I cut him off.

"Eren and I aren't together dumbass. I've had a crush on _you_ and only you this entire time." I rolled your eyes. "Jesus, I thought it was obvious. Even Jean figured it out, sooner or later, the stupid horseface."

"But I saw you too at the lake…and I heard you tell him you loved him." His voice became gruff and his gaze faltered. You stifled your smirk.

"Yes, I told him I loved him. But if you stuck around long enough, you'd have heard me tell him he was like a brother to me."

Levi said nothing; he just looked at you, then looked down at his rash covered arms. He pouted adorably. "I itch."

"Poor baby." You teased. "C'mon, I know these woods pretty well. I could probably rustle something up for you."

You gathered the shirts from his closet and deposited them in the wash basket, to wash later, then grabbing a wooden bowl from your room, led Levi out into the woods, to the lake that had become your nightly hang out when I suffered from insomnia.

"Stay here, I'll go get some herbs." You left the wooden bowl beside him and ran off in search of the various herbs you needed. By the time you got back, he'd taken off his shirt and had rolled up his pants, dipping his toes into the chilly water of the lake. You hovered behind him, appreciating the lean muscle of his back, the way his broad shoulders rippled when he moved.

"F/n…" He murmured, a hint of amusement in his cool voice.

You sat cross legged beside him, dipping the bowl into the lake to get some crystal clear water. Picking up the herbs, you focused on ripping them up into tiny pieces and dropping them into the water. "There, we'll let these sit for a while. If I put these on your rashes, they should subside in a day or two." you told him, putting the bowl aside.

"Thank you." He smiled and leaned back so that his head rested in the grass next to you. He was smiling again, a peaceful calmness on his face. You thought over what had happened. Poor Heichou. He'd been jealous of someone he didn't even need to be jealous of, and had worked himself up into a right fit. You shook your head with a smile, and lifted his head, gingerly letting it settle into your lap. He closed his eyes as you ran your fingers through his soft ebony hair, massaging his scalp.

"You're not mad at me?" You asked, your voice trembling. You were overwhelmed by this moment, the peace hanging between the two of you.

"No." He answered. "It was very well thought out. Exactly the kind of intelligent plan I'd expect from you, f/n."

You blushed, something you rarely did, and leaned down. "That so?"

His eyes fluttered open, as he registered your proximity. "Yes." He breathed. You loved this. You loved the power you held over him, even though he had the same power over you.

You positioned your lips a hair's breadth away from his, and waited. Impatient, he lifted his head, pressing his lips to yours. You sighed into his mouth, a sound of pure ecstasy, and his hands came up to curl in your hair. You sucked his bottom lip into your mouth, and kissed him with all you had. Finally, you broke apart for air from your chaste but ridiculously dirty kiss.

"Lie back sweetie, I gotta put this on your rashes." You told him, pressing a kiss to his forehead, before letting him move his head back onto the grass. It took you the better part of an hour, massaging the herbs and cold water into his rashes, but he admitted he felt better and less itchy once it was done.

"One time application." You told him proudly. "You'll be fine soon."

He stood up, short but lean and muscled. You felt your mouth watering at the sight of his body, glistening from the water, hair mussed but perfect. You took a hesitant step closer, and he smirked at you as if he could guess your intentions. Then again, given the lust that was rising in your stomach, he probably could guess.

He wrapped you up in his arms, and kissed you deeply, slipping his tongue between your parted lips, swallowing your wonton moans. You slipped your arms around his neck, burying fingers in his hair. His tongue swiped your bottom lip, and you pressed closer, deepening the kiss.

Minutes later, you broke apart panting. "Heichou, you've been holding back on me!"

He laughed, a wonderfully carefree sound. "Call me Levi shithead. Come on, I'm hungry, let's head back."

Everyone was still chatting excitedly in the mess hall when we got back even though it had been an hour since we left.

You moved away from him when we went in, only to be pulled back firmly to his side, his hand warm on your waist.

"Possessive huh?" you smirked.

"You bring it out in me Cadet." He turned to you with a smile meant only for you, and I melted. Leaning closer to him, I basked in his warmth.

You got some food, not leaving each others' sides and you dragged him over to sit at your friends' table. "Hey guys!" You greeted cheerfully. "Boy am I hungry!"

"Figures." Mikasa rolled her eyes. "You didn't eat lunch either."

Levi shot you a disapproving look. "Again?"

"Thanks Mikasa." You shoveled food into your mouth. "God, Levi, just eat."

The silence was absolute. You could hear a pin drop in that kind of quiet tension. No one could believe you'd not only called your superior by his first name but were also teasing him and were still alive.

Levi grinned, and leaned over, planting a kiss on your temple. "Mine." He said, so quietly, only you heard it. You smiled and reached for his hand under the table, giving it a squeeze.

Hanji clapped her hands together in glee. "Ohhhhh Leeeevi! Finally! I've been waiting for this foreeevvveeerrr shorty!"

With that, the tension was effectively broken, and the mess hall returned to its normal noise level.

It was late, and once dinner was over, your friends started excusing them to go sleep. You stretched as you stood up and took Levi's hand. "I'm tired."

"You haven't been sleeping well?" He asked you as you walked to your room. You shook your head.

"Nightmares." You said by way of explanation, yawning. Suddenly, he picked you up bridal style, shocking you into silence. Eh, he was your boyfriend now, who cared? Snuggling into him you closed your eyes, only opening them when you felt the softness of a bed under your back. Gentle hands pulled your boots off as you undid the various buckles under your jacket. You tossed your jacket onto the chair next to the bed.

"Tch." He folded your jacket neatly and hung your straps on the armrest before doing the same with his own jacket and straps.

You closed your eyes, sliding your arms around the body that slipped into bed beside you, laying your head on his chest.

"Good night Levi Heichou."

"Good night Cadet." He kissed your shut eyelids, and you drifted off to sleep.

There were no nightmares that night. Only dreams of lakes and grass and Levi.


	2. Chapter 2

/ Hey! So you guys have convinced me to do a sequel. Thing is the last one? Super fluffy XD I decided to do a sequel with a lot more angst because honestly, that's my forte. I hope you enjoy this! All my love and thank you for putting up with my crap! Much love 3 Again, all characters belong to Snk except for you, dearie, you're Levi's./

You rubbed at your eyes tiredly as you trooped back to your room alone. Dinner had been an unusually sombre affair; everyone was worried about the upcoming 57th expedition beyond the walls. No one was looking forward to it, that much was clear. Levi nowadays, was quiet, and spent his time either with Commander Erwin, or alone in his own chambers. You missed him, but understood the work that he had to do. Meanwhile, you busied yourself with your chores and memorising the formation that you had to take. As a Cadet, you'd be on the outer ring, riding beside a spare horse and informing the rest of the formation of whatever path to take by shooting smoke rounds whenever you spotted a Titan. What you were really worried about was spotting an Aberrant, especially since your 3DMG would not be very useful out in an open space.

You were getting in extra training with the rest of the cadets whenever you could. Sometimes you would spar with Mikasa (you were getting just as good) and sometimes you would go over the formation with Armin and Jean. You also managed to get some 3DMG training in with Eren and Mikasa, mostly because she'd never leave his side. You were starting to get a little concerned about the co-dependency the two had going on.

With all of these things, you didn't really find time to think about how things were going with you and Levi. You two didn't talk as much as you used to, and your relationship was fairly new. It was only about a month in, and you'd barely spent much time together in the beginning because of your differing roles. Now, it was even worse what with the planning your boyfriend was doing with the Commander in preparation for the survey mission. It had been close to a week since you had spent the night with Levi. You feared you would not get to see him before the expedition itself, which was tomorrow.

You pushed your door open, and peeled off your soiled jacket, tossing it on the floor. It could wait till tomorrow. You immediately went for a shower, the steaming hot water relaxing the knots in your back, taking away the soreness and the dirt from the day. Once you were clean, you dressed in your usual comfortable nightwear and ran fingers through your wet hair. You sat on your bed and yawned. Tomorrow, you'd get a chance to wear the Recon Corps cloak that had been sitting in your closet gathering dust all this time. You heaved yourself up and went over to it, opening the bare wooden doors and running your fingers over the soft green fabric. You traced the wings of freedom, so familiar to you now, like the name of an old friend.

A knock sounded on your door. "F/n, open up."

It was muffled, but you'd know that voice anywhere. Hurriedly, you tripped over yourself to open the door, and flung your body into Levi's arms.

"Tch." Levi disentangled himself from you after a moment, and picked up your discarded jacket from the floor, regarding it disdainfully. You grabbed it from him, more than a little miffed at his treatment of you, and rolling it up, threw it into the laundry basket. (It was getting to overflowing: you really needed to get started on your laundry.)

"Why aren't you with Erwin?" You asked, offhandedly, as he sat on your bed. You yourself leaned against your table, facing him.

"We're done finalising everything." He said, with a shrug. His eyes were cold and distant, somehow making him look a lot older.

"Guess I just haven't seen you in a while." You said, softly, looking down at your feet.

"I've missed you, f/n, very much. But I have duties…responsibilities…" He sounded so tired; you wanted to take everything away from him, the very fatigue and pain you heard in his voice.

"I've missed you too." You admitted, gazing fondly at his face. He lifted his eyes to yours and held out his arms towards you, with a gentle smile, the kind that only lifted up the corners of his mouth. "Come here."

You went to him without a thought, sliding onto his lap with a happy sigh. You wrapped your arms around his neck, breathing in the scent of him. Your fingers roamed through his silky soft hair and the muscles on the plane of his back. His hands rubbed soothingly up and down your spine, his warm breath causing goosebumps on your neck.

"I'm scared." You whispered into his shoulder.

"About what?" He asked, no judgement in his voice. You liked that.

"A lot of things. I'm scared I won't come back. I'm scared I'll lose my friends." You swallowed the sudden lump that had risen in your throat. "I'm scared I'll lose you." The fear had grown, taking over you like a cancer. A part of you, but so devastating and debilitating, it had spread, black and malignant.

Levi pulled you even closer into his chest, warmth emanating from his body, calming and soothing you. "I cannot guarantee that you will never feel pain or loss." He began. "But I can guarantee that I will always be there to see you through it. I swear it."

You leaned away from him, letting yourself fall into his stormy eyes, pools of pure liquid mercury. Pulling your hands up to cup his face, you responded to his words in the only way you could. You tilted your head and kissed him, slow and achingly sweet. His grip on you tightened, and you both melded together with a comfort borne of intimacy and understanding.

"I need you back." You whispered into the soft light cast by a single candle on your bedside table.

"I will be back."

The promise and the weight of the coming dawn hung over you both like an overcast cloud as you slept, wrapped in the warmth of each other.

Honestly, you were terrified. And for once, not much for yourself. And your beloved just wasn't taking you seriously enough.

"You'll be extra careful won't you?" You steadied the brown mare as Levi mounted.

All he did was roll his eyes. "I've been doing this for a very long time f/n."

"Just promise." You insisted mulishly.

"I'll be in the safest part of the formation."

You glared. "Promise."

Levi stared at you with his beautiful steel eyes. "I can't promise something like that f/n, people need me."

You remained silent unwilling to admit the truth. No one else could ever sacrifice their lives as much as Levi did. Everyone knew that. Including you. They needed his sacrifice. You desperately wanted to hurl yourself into his arms and kiss him silly, never letting go, but you doubted he would like such a public display of affection.

Biting your lip, you sighed. "Just please come back."

"I will." He promised, and urged his horse into a trot. You watched his receding back with a heavy heart.

"He'll be fine, f/n. "Hanji assured you, her hand on your shoulder. "I'll take care of shorty!"

"Thank you, Hanji." You seriously doubted Hanji's ability to protect herself but you appreciated the sentiment.

"Just take care of yourself now f/n"Hanji murmured as she got her own horse ready.

You sighed. "I will."

She gave you a fond look from behind her glasses and gave you a final pat, before haphazardly swinging herself onto her horse and taking off at a rather unsafe speed. You walked back to where your own horse was tied.

"Hello Raven." You kissed her quickly on the tiny white mark just above her nose, and pulled yourself up onto the saddle.

Jean led the spare horse up to yours and tied him up to Raven. "You sure you'll be fine on your own?" He asked.

You gave him a tight smile. "I'm sure I will be. You be careful now."

Jean shrugged. "This mission is fucked."

"I trust Commander Erwin. You should too." You told him.

"It feels like it's just suicide, going out there."

You didn't really know what to say. Jean just shook his head, and your heart sink as he walked away. It was the gait of a man who had surrendered himself to death.

You reached behind you and straightened your cloak. You couldn't explain the feeling of sinking pride you had when you put on the Scouting Legion cloak, the crest flying proud on your back. It gave you goosebumps now, as you guided your horse into formation, to see the entire force in a group, upright and at attention on their steeds.

"Onward!" Commander Erwin cried, and you leaned forward along with everyone else, putting your mare into a gallop. As one body, the entire corps rushed towards the gates to the Outside. The steady thrumming of hundreds of hooves upon the cobblestones filled your ears. You knew Levi was somewhere near the front, but you couldn't see him over all the other heads. 'It's because he's so short.' You thought, a sad smile gracing your features.

The entire body stopped short in front of the gates, waiting. There was a sort of buzzing electricity in the air. Looking around you, you sighted the familiar faces of your comrades. Sasha, real terror in her wide eyes. Jean, worried but stoic. Armin, quietly determined. Returning your gaze to the back of Erwin's blonde head, you tightened your grip on Raven's reins, reaching over to place a soothing hand on the stallion tied to Raven. He whickered at your touch. You'd always had a way with animals and it was helpful particularly now.

"It's going to be okay buddy." You weren't sure if you were talking to the horse or yourself. Anxiety swirled in your gut, only abated by the adrenaline at the prospect of going behind the walls. With a screeching groan, the gates began to rise, the pointed spikes at the bottom getting further and further away from the ground. Almost in a detached fashion, you wondered how long it had been since those gates had last been lifted. How were they even still working?

You were so lost in your own thoughts, that you almost missed Commander Erwin's command to move forward. Startled you dug your heels into Raven's side, and she started, hurtling forward along with the rest.

"Go into long-range scouting formation!" Erwin yelled. You took your cue to move off to the right, digging in your bag for your empty pistol. Before long, you were pretty much on your own. You could barely see a green cloaked figure in the distance to your right, but the random trees got in the way, and soon you couldn't see him at all. Your head was constantly swivelling, checking to see if any smoke rounds were fired or if a Titan would come bursting through the foliage.

You came to a part of the terrain where it sloped down, a few abandoned houses nearby. You could feel your heart thumping, almost in sync with the hammering breaths of your horses. "Oh god oh god oh god." You muttered, a litany, as you rode towards the houses. Next to you was a copse of trees, a tiny little forest right beside a little village. You could only guess that the villagers who once lived there had farmed, and once they'd left, the land had grown wild and unruly.

You only heard birds cawing and the flap of their wings before a Titan came barrelling into your path. Caught off guard, you had barely enough time to scream as Raven reared up, and you fell to the ground. Frantic and disillusioned with the shock, you gazed blearily upwards. You noted idly that it was a 5-metre class. 'Interesting.' You thought, as giant baby-ish fingers stretched towards you. 'I wonder, will anyone find me out here? Or just take me for dead? What about Levi…?'

Your eyes snapped open, and out of sheer instinct, you reached for your blades. Pulling them out in one fluid motion, you jumped to your feet and sheared four of its fingers off its hand. It never stopped smiling, lips stretched unnaturally wide. Steam rose from the nubs of its hand, and taking advantage of the distraction, you used your 3DMG to snap to the upper portion of its arm, and landed on the shoulder. Jamming your blades into its nape, you dislodged a chunk of its flesh, crouching to avoid falling as the Titan crashed to the ground.

Suddenly rather unstable, you fell to your knees on the grass and just took a moment to get your panicked, harsh breathing under control. The adrenaline had helped you this time, but you couldn't afford to get caught out like this next time. Speaking of a next time, you looked around. Your horses were nowhere to be found, and you were out here in the middle of nowhere. The formation wasn't in your line of sight, and there could be any number of them out here. Raw horror struck you in your chest, tightening it and making it hard to breathe. You clutched at your stomach, looking for any way to get yourself out of this mess, but the terrain did not present any other option. You decided the safest place right now would be the tiny copse of trees to your right. They would provide more safety and allow you to wait for Raven to get back to you.

Pumping your legs, you ran as fast as you could towards the copse, not stopping until you were safely surrounded by large trees. You sat under one of the trees, trying to catch your breath. Once your heart had slowed and you felt a little better, you got up again, dusting yourself off.

"Raven!" You screamed, with a whistle. "Raaaaveen? Anyone out there? Help!"

Just then, off to the northwest, a black smoke round went up into the air.

"Fuck." You breathed. An Aberrant. You really needed to find your horse and somehow make it back to the formation, or you'd die out here. You knew how the Scouting Legion worked. They did not have the time or the resources to search for whoever went missing, so when one went missing, they were immediately counted as dead. There was no way you'd survive out here long on your own. Without a horse, you were nowhere near fast enough to make the trek, and you couldn't rely solely on your 3DMG because sooner or later it would run out of gas.

Not to mention, you had no food, no water, no means of survival other than your swords. You wouldn't even last a week. The prospect of death was looming over your back, creeping up on you with every breath you took. You whistled again, hoping somehow Raven was out there, in hearing distance. You sincerely doubted it though. Those two horses were out there, seriously spooked. They would most likely be heading back to HQ.

Was anyone near enough to hear you? You ventured out to the edge of the copse of trees, lingering just in the shadows where you knew you were safe. You were almost entirely sure the entire formation was a good while ahead of you. You were close to breaking down, you didn't see any possible way of making it out alive.

You rubbed your face. It was no good thinking like that…there had to be someone out there. You tried one last halfhearted whistle. A whinny caught your attention. "Raven?" You whispered in disbelief.

"F/n?!"

"Sasha?" You laughed out of relief, running towards the figures. "Sasha, thank god!"

"F/n! What happened?" Sasha gestured toward Raven, who was tied up to her own horse, Potato.

"I got thrown off. We encountered a five metre class. I took care of it." You babbled, mounting and untying Raven from Potato. "Where's the rest of the formation?"

"The entire formation has split." She told you, upset. "There's an Aberrant heading towards the main formation.

"So what do we do now?"

"I don't know…"

You both looked up at the tell-tale green smoke rising in a spiral towards the sky. "Green smoke flare?"

"We should hurry back to formation." Sasha said.

"But…" You sighed. "This mission isn't going well. Surely they can see we need to turn back."

Sasha shrugged. You turned towards the direction of the flares and galloped onwards.

Sasha fired the green flare as you brought up the rank. You mind was on Levi. Was he okay? Were all your friends alright? How…how many had died? Why weren't you turning back?

A large forest came into view, and now, you were beginning to see the remains of the entire right side of the formation. It definitely was missing something. You gasped. "What happened to the right recon flank?"

Sasha let out a shuddering breath. "I don't want to even think about it."

They'd been wiped out. That much was certain.

"Hanjo!" Sasha waved at a larger man with brown hair. "What are we doing at the side of the forest?"

He frowned. "We have orders to stay here and go up into the trees with our 3DMG. Stand by."

You turned to Sasha. "I don't think the objectives of this mission were quite what we were told." She said nothing, only gazed at me with concern.

"Enter ambush formations!" The squad leader yelled. "Draw your swords and go up into the trees. No Titans can enter the forest, is that clear!"

"Yes sir!." You chorused. Moments later, you were all up in trees, watching and waiting. Leaning against the hard bark, you looked over at Sasha who was on your left. She was almost paralysed with terror, her eyes glazed and unseeing.

"Sasha." You called.

She looked at you.

"It's going to be okay." You assured her. "Relax. We're fine, see? We're at an advantage. Our 3DMG works particularly well in forests. We'll be fine."

She took a deep breath and nodded, looking out towards the vast plains that stretched away. You had to admit, you weren't sure what the point of all this was. You were miles away from your original goal. The forest wasn't even supposed to be in the agenda. You could tell the veterans were just as confused even though they were trying their best to hide it. You thought about all the times Levi spent late with Erwin. Was this what they were discussing? A secret plan known only to them? You understood there were certain boundaries but you wished Levi had told you. At least so you'd know where he was.

You ran fingers through your hair, and huffed. At this point, you were content to just wait here. It was better than galloping around on horses where one could easily come into contact with a Titan. Waiting was much preferred to that. Mikasa and Connie were somewhere to your left and there were a couple more people around, but you didn't pay much attention to that. All your focus was on the vast expanse of land before you, watching for Titans. It felt like you were going to be there for a long time.

You heard them before you saw them. Their heavy footfalls as they advanced up the hill towards The Forest of Giant Trees. Titans.

The battle had begun.

"We won't have to fight them will we?" Connie asked.

For now, they were just pawing at the trees, their faces in smiles, trying to find some way to get up at us. For a moment it all seemed so pointless. You were up here, waiting to be attacked so we could fight back. And for what? A goal that you weren't even heading towards. A mission with no foreseeable end in sight. You shook your head in an attempt to clear it. 'Get yourself together." You told yourself sternly. There were Titans to fight, and you weren't about to let your comrades down.

It didn't take long for the mindless slashing to begin. The titans were starting to get the hang of climbing trees and it would not be long before they got to you.

A scream resounded through the forest, causing everyone to clap their hands over their ears.

"What was that?" You asked. The titans seemed to respond to it, leaving the trees and running right into the centre of the forest.

"Retreat! Retreat!" The squad leader yelled as the smoke round went up. You scrambled down the trees and ran to where the horses were, mounting and heading towards Karanes.

Why were the Titans heading into the forest? Was everything okay? Why were we being told to retreat now? A million questions flooded your mind, but no answers revealed themselves.

Perhaps, if things were a little different, you would have looked for Levi immediately at Karanes. But the air was heavy with the stink of death and the perpetual sadness, and you could do nothing more than stare down at your boots, caked with mud and dirt. Your horse snuffled beside you, but you paid her no heed. Pulling yourself up, you went over to one of the wagons to help Armin and Jean load bandage-wrapped bodies onto the wagon. They were bloody in places. You could barely look at them, concentration on only one part of their bodies as you loaded them onto the wagon. If you saw their faces, you would have lost it. How many? How _many?_

The pain was physical, tearing at your heart. You knew Levi was fine, but you also knew he'd just lost his entire squad-all except for Eren. You couldn't face him, not right now. You didn't notice you were crying until Jean looked up at you, sympathy in his eyes.

"Are you alright, f/n?" Armin asked, his fingers squeezing your arm.

"I'm fine." You stated, a little more forcefully than intended, only just feeling hot tears tracking their way through the dust and specks of blood on your face. "Is this the last of them?"

"Yeah." Jean nodded. "This is the part I never get used to."

"Don't get used to it." You told him. "Never get used to it. It's not right. The moment you get used to death, you stop being human. Mourn…cry…it's…it's the least they deserve." You didn't hang around in time for his reply. Rubbing at your face, you mounted Raven and got ready to move on.

You noticed Dieter yelling at Erwin and Levi about wanting to find his friend's corpse and sighed. It was so selfish but understandable. At the same time, it was impossible to waste time and people on finding a dead body. Whether you had the body or not didn't change a thing. They were still dead, that fact would never change. You made eye contact with Levi for a nanosecond, but you looked away, urging your horse to the centre. You just couldn't talk to him right now. You'd both lost too much, you needed some time alone to come to terms with it.

You were barely away from the last rendezvous point when a red smoke signal went up. "Titans spotted in the rear!" Someone yelled. Looking behind you, you spotted Dieter and his friend on their horses, riding for their lives, as two Titans chased them. Dieter had a body behind him on his steed.

"Fuck!" You cursed. The idiots had gone back for the body after all. Who knew how many you were going to lose now, because of these bloody Titans?!

"Unload the bodies off the wagons!" Commander Erwin shouted.

'What?' You let your jaw fall open.

There was only a moment of hesitation before soldiers started hurrying to complete the order. You tried not to look, but your eyes were drawn to the motion of bodies rolling off the wagon and thumping onto the ground. Blood flew as one of the bodies was crushed with a sickening crunch. You snapped your head back to the front, bile rising in your throat and tears springing to your eyes.

You watched shadow fall across Levi's face as Petra's body flew off the wagon. You had always known he'd had a bit of a sweet spot for her for a long time, even before you, and your heart constricted at the look on his face as he watched her body fall. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to breathe through the sobs that were racking your body, but failed miserably, resigning yourself to the sorrow that made you ache in places you didn't know was possible. You didn't know grief like this even existed. Your life had been idyllic up till now. Once you turned 18 you joined the Survey Corps so that you could give back to what had allowed you such a life in the first place.

Now you understood. You understood the pain, the sacrifice, the loss, the insanity of such loyalty to this cause. But you meant to follow through. If not for the people who had already given up their lives, for the future generations. That they may not know hurt like this. That they may not know sadness like this. That this period of time will be simply for them, a page in a history book, where heroes and blood and titans are simply the legends of old. The only thing keeping you going, was this hope.

The entire formation stopped once more to plot a route back to the wall. You watched Levi ride up to Dieter, wondering what he was going to do to the guy. You felt tears well up in your eyes again as Levi passed Dieter Ivan's wings of freedom. You could not have been more proud of him in that moment. He only spared a glance for you as he rode by, but that was fine. You both would have plenty of time to talk later. Now, all you were worried about was getting back to within the wall.

You rode in, not with the pomp of heroes, but with the slouch of losers who have lost time and time again.

"So this is what they're doing with our tax money."

"The heroes are back!"

"Humph."

"Lost again, obviously."

"I wonder how many dead bodies they've got with them this time."

Normally I you would have been angry. You would have punched someone out or started a fight. But you were just too tired. And then you heard Petra's father start talking to Levi…

You always suspected Petra had a crush on Levi. Obviously, she never behaved in an awful way towards you, but sometimes you'd see her gaze longingly at Levi. When you brought it up with him, he rebuffed you saying he looked at her like a sister. Now, watching his stony face as Petra's father spoke, you realized he had known all along of her feelings. It made you feel somewhat guilty, like you took away her chance at happiness or something. It was irrational, you knew, but you couldn't stop yourself from thinking it.

You couldn't bear to hear anymore, so you slowed your horse down until you reached the back of the formation. You were so tired. All you wanted was to sink into your bed. Your mom would bring you chicken soup. Your dad would come home with a new book for you to read. You'd fall asleep, sated and happy. All the bad things in this world would exist solely behind the walls. Not for you to worry about. But they'd still exist wouldn't they. You looked around you at the grim forces that rode onward. They were just like you! And if they could do it, so could you. You could press onward with the belief that someday you would no longer have to live in fear of Titans.

No one spoke on the ride back to HQ. Everyone simply groomed their horses and made them comfortable in the stable. You changed to a pair of brown pants and a white shirt, and put on your usual khaki jacket before making your way to Levi's room. You knocked, expecting the usual state your name and business routine, but instead of that Levi opened the door. The two of you just stared awkwardly at each other for a couple of seconds until Levi gestured for you to come in. He was only half dressed but even the muscular plane of his back did not distract you as it normally would.

"Are you alright?" You began, lamely.

"You're the first person to ask me that. " He mused. "Everyone assumes I'm fine."

"I know you're not. About Petra…. I know you loved her, in your own way. I mean, you lost your entire squad. It's okay to grieve."

"You didn't want to talk to me before. Why is that?" Levi finally turned around, and you saw the hurt and desolation in his eyes before it vanished.

"I needed time to cope." You told him.

"So do I." He said, harshly. "I will see you at dinner."

"Levi…"

"L/n, get out."

"Yes sir." You bit out, whirling around and slamming the door behind you.

You stomped back to your room, not intending to eat dinner. You felt defeated, but also oddly guilty. Worse still, you felt useless, being unable to console the person who was supposed to be everything to you in this crazy world. Levi was everything to you…but grief can bring people together, but can also tear them apart. Your relationship was new, barely hatched, the one beautiful thing in your lives, but how could you possibly console and be there for each other when you were both barely holding on to hope yourselves. You were too lost in your own worries and sadness to be able to reach out to him, and he had needed it, more than you had realized before now. Everyone else saw him as undefeatable; humanity's greatest. But underneath all that he was just Levi-a short little sad man, who was obsessed with cleaning and needed to be loved selflessly. You started to question if you were even able to love him the way he needed.

Safe behind the door of your room, you stumbled to your bed and fell into it with a sigh. You knew you should go and talk to him soon, but you didn't feel like it right now. Besides…your bed was so very comfortable.

_Blood raining down like a scarlet waterfall, staining and seeping into everything it touches. Bodies fall around you, a steady thump-thump-thump. A body falls face down in front of me and you drop to your knees and turn the body over. Petra's glassy eyes stare back at you, beautiful even in death. Her neck is twisted at an unnatural angle. I scrambled backwards screaming and screaming and oh god her eyes are moving oh fuck-_

You woke up in a cold sweat, grabbing at the sheets around you. It was pitch black outside, obviously the middle of the night. Jesus Christ. You thought your nightmares had stopped! They'd never been so graphic before…You touched shaking fingers to your cheeks, vaguely surprised to find they were wet with shed tears. Scrubbing at your face, you lay back down, but you knew you weren't going to get any sleep.

Dawn broke, and with it came a new day. The silence continued to rest over HQ. Meals were often taken alone, with Erwin, Levi and Hanji taking their meals in the conference room, and the rest of the soldiers often taking meals in small groups of 2s and 3s. You often ate your lunches alone, but joined Mikasa, Eren, Armin and Jean for dinner. You cultivated the habit of sleeping through breakfast. Days passed, and nothing seemed any different from before. The squad leaders were trying to figure out who the spy was who had infiltrated the ranks, and everyone was under suspicion.

Everyone could tell something was up between you and Levi, but you denied all such questions, refusing to reveal any information. It was after all personal. You encountered him along a corridor while you were going towards the canteen for dinner, and all you could do was stare at him. You missed him, you really did. You loved him. That was the truth. You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He just looked at you with the exact same expression as when he'd looked at Petra's body as it dived through the air. It was the acknowledgement of something lost. You could do nothing but watch as he walked past you. You wanted to run after him, profess your love for him, beg him to stay, but your pride would not allow you to do so. Most of all, the fear that you would love him, and lose him one day kept you in place.

Because you knew eventually you would lose him. The pain would be much greater then, than it was now.

This was the right thing to do.

It was.

It was it was it was.

"_F/n!"_

"_Levi, no!" You ran towards him as fast as you could but he seemed to just be getting further and further away. "Levi, don't leave me!"_

_He smiled then, and reached out his arms. "Come here, f/n."_

"_Levi I'm trying!" You screamed, desperately, your lungs aching._

_You were finally nearing him. Relieved, you stretched out your hand, just brushing your own fingertips against his._

_At that exact moment, he burst into a million blue and white feathers that drifted around you. You held one of the blue feathers in your palm and whispered. "I never told him."_

Shoving the covers off you, you slid on your boots and headed out, purposefully. Back before Levi, whenever you used to have nightmares, you'd head to the clearing with the lake, but not this time. It was time you faced up to whatever was going on. You know you'd be too clear-headed to even think about doing this in the morning, but you needed to do this, and you knew it was best to do it now.

You found yourself outside your captain's door, frowning at the sliver of light shining under the door. You didn't bother knocking, and instead opened the door, locking it behind you. Levi was looking down at Petra's blood-stained wings of freedom, sitting at his desk, his dark hair hanging over his eyes. He looked up when you entered, irritation plain as day on your face. The creases in his brow disappeared when he saw you only to come back a moment later.

"Levi, I'm sorry." You told him. "You needed me and I wasn't there for you. Right now, I'm not sure that I can ever be exactly what you need me to be, but I want you to know I love you. I need for you to know that…in case…in case, someday one of us doesn't make it back." You bit your lip to hold back the tears, fingers worrying at the cloth of your long t-shirt.

Levi opened a drawer and carefully placed the wings of freedom inside, taking his time. You knew, you just knew he was going to tell you to leave. He was going to reject you – and you knew the pain of that would be worse than death. You let your head cant downwards letting a dejected sigh escape your lips. "I guess I just wanted to get that out there. I'll leave you alone now."

You turned to go, but a lightning-fast hand caught your wrist, tugging you back. The momentum carried you forward back into his chest. Something inside you snapped, and you wrapped arms around him, pulling him to you, gripping at his shirt, trying to touch as much of him as you possibly could.

"F/n, I love you."

You sagged against him, needing his touch. "I'm so sorry." You wept. "I was too afraid of losing you. _I didn't want to love you…_"

"I'm here. I'm right here." Levi told you, stroking your hair away from your face.

"I had a nightmare." You continued. "You died before I could tell you…"

Levi pulled away and held your face in his hands. "I am not dead, f/n."

You stared up at him, your lips forming a small but genuine smile. "I love you."

"I love you too." He leaned in and captured your lips in a long, soft kiss. You took hold of his face with your hands and pulled him in, deepening the kiss, letting your tongue slip through and mate with his. You smiled when Levi moaned into your mouth, and pulled away, only to rest your forehead against his shoulder.

Everything was right in the world again. You still weren't sure how the road would go for the both of you, but you were confident you could walk it together. You couldn't see a future without Levi, at least not a future that was in colour.


End file.
